At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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