if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
