Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize