I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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