Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
