haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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