I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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