oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
