I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
