This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
