Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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