i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
