Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
