ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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