Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
