Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
