he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
