so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
