it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
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