If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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