I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
