Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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