Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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