EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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