someone get that fucking seahorse.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
