New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
BRING THE BAGELS
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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