I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
