I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
