my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
