There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
