I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
