Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
