i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
