I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
