We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
