Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
