White coat. Heels.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
