I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
