i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
