Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
