I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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