she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
