You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
