i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
COCAINE IS GR8
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
