your room smells of hookers.
And success
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize