How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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