when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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