Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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