My first STD was from a foam party
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
