that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
