I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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