Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
