when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
