he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
