I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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