I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
