I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
