My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
