Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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