Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
