How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All I want is dick and wine.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
