I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
