Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The power of my boobs compel you
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize