I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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