I hate your face
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
