I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
