woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
