Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Operation Purity has been aborted
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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