Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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