I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize