Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
