I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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