I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
