she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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